She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
