pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
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