new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Swine flu is the new snow day.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
