I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
