It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
