I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
