My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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