eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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