It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
wow bdsm is so cute
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