i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
