i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
