the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
