How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
