I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
