So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
