Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
