I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Dignity is for republicans.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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