They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize
