I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
