So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
