garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
