if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
