Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
