Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
No subtext here. People are naked.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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