K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
