After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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