Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
