Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Dick very happy bro
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
