she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
