Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
