i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
