I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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