So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
