apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
