no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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