I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
