the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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