haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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