The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
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