WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
