So drunk its hurt
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
