MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
