I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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