Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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