So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
