If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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