I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
