I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I want to fling myself into the sun
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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