Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
