i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
