My pussy is not your playground.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
